Personal Perspectives: the Word "Should"; Am I Patriotic?

i was thinking today how whenever we say "should," as in "you should do X" or "they should do Y," we are speaking from a particular perspective. for example, when a parent says to a child, "you should clean your room," the parent is speaking from the perspective of an older, nurturing individual trying to instill responsibility in her child (we hope!). when a friend tells another, "you should give to X charity," he may be speaking from the perspective of a supporter/worker for that charity, or simply as an altruist. when a priest says, "gays shouldn't marry," he is speaking from the perspective of a a religion based on a book that says gay sex is wrong. when an american says, "foreign country Z should do Q," he is speaking from the perspective of someone who grew up in america, with american values and american culture.

why do i begin with this prelude? yesterday, i met a bartender at my hostel named Yuko. great sidenote is that 5 years ago, she spent 3 years in williamsburg, brooklyn, living a mere 3 blocks from where i currently live. i was talking to her about my experiences in japan so far, and asking about her thoughts on US v. Japan/NYC v. Tokyo. she said that she found much of nyc and tokyo to be the same, but at the same time, found small town japan to be very stubborn and resistant to change. i commented that small town america is the same way (but for a different reason - small town america is steeped in religion - small town japan is stepped in thousands of years of its own isolationist culture of homogeneity). i said that i hadn't seen that side of japan - that everyone i've met has been very open and kind, and that it tokyo seems to be pushing so far ahead of where it should be (by all accounts given that 50 years ago, japan was run by an emperor). a fellow near me named Lincoln, from san francisco, but who has lived outside Nara, Japan for 2 years, offered that i am not seeing all of japan and that while my experiences are fantastic and i shouldn't discount them, they are not finding the whole picture.

i sat back and thought about this. lincoln is right - i have unconsciously been self-selecting the people i talk to - (1) japanese who can speak english; and (2) those who are gay or who stay in hostels. combining these two categories, i am given a very liberal, progressive, youthful population (similar to how a spaniard i met last night, named Osai, said that every american he ever meets in a hostel supports Obama - makes sense doesn't it? an american that has the good sense to actually travel to foreign lands are who takes the time to immerse herself in a foreign culture is likely a democrat). on this point, not speaking japanese has really narrowed the experience i can truly recieve. when i traveled in europe or peru, i could always converse - either english or spanish. i could read street signs and posters; i could go to small bars and chat with locals. here i can't do any of that, unless i am with a japanese speaker. and that isn't always the case. and, at the same time, i avoid things that are really geared toward tourists, so i often end up communicating with locals in a strange combination of broken english and gestures. i can get the point across, but so much is lost in translation.

i am learning more and more about japan every day - its culture, its people and its history. for example, i learned that nearly 70% of samurai had gay sex - they considered sex with women to take away from their masculinity. however, they never called themsevles gay - it was just something they did (e.g., like the greeks and romans). nowadays, gays have made a stand for their identity, and thus the acts that used to be a part of the norm (though not often made very public - affection in general here is a private affair) have become an identity that grounds itself in something different than the norm. misogyny has long been a part of japanese culture, and it is only recently that women in japan have been able to obtain a divorce or receive any alimony at all. it is almost as if japan's social revolution is where america was perhaps in the early 70s. as i mentioned in an earlier post, japan's post-emperor rule is barely 60 years old. prior to that, custom and tradition had been stepped for thousands of years. that is a hard thing to break free of. (my friend john-mark made a comment about personal evolution, and commented that he has stopped hoping that his parents will change and become open and accepting people; that they are not capable of that evolution anymore, as they come from a perspective that doesn't permit it. but john-mark is happy that our generation has evolved more than our parents', and will be able to push forward and become what our parents couldn't).

so given this, i might say something like "well, japanese should just get over it and learn to accept things that are different." but i must realize that i say this from the perspective of an american (born into a country 230 years old), an atheist born and raised jewish, a gay man and a 28 year old. none of these things encompass a working knowledge of japanese history and culture to the point that i should be able to offer my critique or commentary (at least with any serious gravity). and as i said above, what i am gaining about japan comes from a self-selected few. now, it may well be that those i've selected to talk to and learn from are in the best position to talk about japan should be - progressive, young gays are some of the best lodestones for how a society can be more open and accepting - but i don't know that to be the case here yet.

this got me thinking about america. yeah, america has some major fucking faults. but at the same time, we live in a country that is young, and thus perhaps more capable to break free of years of oppressive tradition (sure, christianity is a old beast, but it's hold is fading). i live in a country where i have the opportunity to obtain various world views and incorporate them into my own, and often find that the things i want for other countries are often the things i really like about my own (and i must give canada and europe large amounts of credit, but i will say that i meet many europeans who, putting bush and iraq aside, think that america, and well nyc/san fran/LA in particular, are amazing places; that NYC is a true international city that is one fo the best places anyone could live in this world). shocking to hear perhaps, and i am not sure how deeply i adhere to these sentiments, but it has brought on a thinking as to my true feelings about the country i live in and its capacity for good and change - maybe i really am a patriot.